It’s been weeks since I touched on the aftermath events since writing the Days Before Tomorrow. Where I left off, the kids and I had made arrangements to meet at the airport on Friday the 21st where they can finally have a chance to see their would be father, or at least what they once called cool Uncle Terry. Weeks since I gave the kids the total story of the events that led to their mother falling in love with me, and the catastrophic reactions that has led to the very unusual circumstances we all find ourselves today.
Since then, the countdown has only become smaller. Time has creeped up on all of us, and there’s only scant days left before I see my kids again. And yes, I still see and believe them in so many ways to be at least partly mine. As I learn more about them, I see so much of their mother in them, and how she must have tried to inject a bit of me into them despite genetics and distance.
T is 20 (almost 21 soon), and he’s studying to be a chef. To put it bluntly, their mom was never a particularly good cook admittedly. She was skilled in so many ways, such as a keen analytical mind, great dexterity on the volleyball court and a musicality on the piano and cello that had to be seen to be believed. One of my fondest memories in fact, is when we just quietly played a musical duet with her cello and my flute in a Montreal park one night.
Their dad has a great mind for organization, but he’s not much of a cook himself. But I’ve been a foodie and home cook every since my teens, and I’m betting that T’s own skills and goals must have been in some way influenced by their mom and me.
G is studying to go to law school. She possesses an empathy that goes well beyond her young years, and an equally keen mind that can bring truth from shadows with laser like precision. I’m getting close to her in many ways, as I’ve always wanted a daughter of my own, and I’ve inspired her to follow and complete the footsteps her mother started all those years ago. My first love never did finish that law degree, and I hope that G can finish that path, or if not that one, then any path that finds her happiness and love.
But my wife was right in one thing… I should have said a bit less when I wrote the Days. I was so concerned to give the kids the full story, that I didn’t give a proper analysis of the consequences.
Damn. I really am rusty as an economist. A good economist can find trends and patterns in the present and the past, and recommend a course of action. A great economist can take that same data, recommend a course, but also predict the unknown results to the best of anyone’s ability and be ready for the consequences. I once thought I might’ve had the basics to be a great one, but not having used those mental muscles for so long, I guess I’m just a 1/2 decent one. Where the heck does all this past paragraph fit in? Well….
The kids have stopped talking to their dad and their grandmother. Those two found out that 2 of the pillars of their family life was partially built on lies, and have taken it out on their dad. They didn’t know about the no contest over custody when their mom and dad divorced. They didn’t know about the restraining order about me. That and the whole story on how she and I loved and lost… and they’ve had a LOT to think about over the months.
It probably also didn’t help much that I told the both of them to take their time and try to focus on school and so on. Both of them had this burden of truth placed upon them just before school finals and so on, which was bad timing on my part. But now that’s all done, and we’re about to enter a new adventure.
Where am I? Terrified really. I’ve loved these two ever since their mom made me their godfather (despite my relatively near total lack in faith strangely enough). What if I’m not what they envisioned me to be? Despite the blog and calls, at the end, they still fundamentally have the mind’s image of me from the viewpoint of a 11 yr old boy and a 8 yr old girl. Do I have a place in their lives? Do I even have a right to even BE in their lives? So many doubts, and so many fears and worries. But I broke my promise to their mom once to be a part of their lives and to be like a father to them. This is my second chance… and whether they want it or not is entirely up to them.
So with that all now mentioned, I’m going to be a bit self-indulgent and write the following directly to T&G:
Kids. I’m not your dad. I wanted to be your dad, but it just wasn’t to be. You HAVE a dad. He was there when you first spoke, your first steps, and your first McD Happy Meal. Despite a lapse in judgement, he loves you both deeply and has been there and raised you where I couldn’t. So cut the guy a break, please? Forgive him? Because in the end, no matter what, he’s your true family who has looked over you and protected you over your entire lives. And I will always thank him for that. Today of all days, FATHER’S DAY, it’s a good day to mend these fences and be a family again. This is your cool Uncle Terry ordering you and I’ll bribe ya with sushi if it helps the process (kidding… the sushi’s mine… you can have a Japadog though).
Remember, your mom did love him, as much as she did me. And you two wonderful kids are the results of that love. I couldn’t be prouder to have been a part of even a moment of your growth, but it’s in large part due to him. I love you both, and see you soon, but give him a call now or I’ll kick your asses in the airport. Love, Terry
Ok, as for those of you following this saga… more to follow very very soon.
Fortes Fortuna Juvat. Fortune Favours the Bold. Wish me luck.